Watch Me Snort This Snowman Confetti

It’s not even November yet and my nose is already bleeding a cheery poinsettia red from the tiny confetti scarf edges scraping my mucous membrane. Joy and merriment drip down into my teeth as I scroll past your pathetic #happyfallyall pics. While you waste your time dicking around with those …

Mexican Pizza Recipe (Because Taco Bell is Betraying Us)

Just when we thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse, Taco Bell said, “Hold my Chalupa,” and gutted us all by announcing that it will discontinue the Mexican Pizza starting November 5, 2020. This is in an effort to streamline their menu, and also take a spork to our already broken …

Lost and Found

These days, I spend much of my time feeling lost, like a kid’s sweatshirt at the bottom of a towering bin in the school office. Everything is dark. Which way is up? Will I be here forever? But just as often, I am found. Brought back home by the smallest …

The Only Thing I Know About Pandemic Trauma

*I wrote this back in May 2020. Quarantine life feels strangely familiar to any pregnant person who’s ever been on high-risk, mandated hospital bed rest for more than a few weeks. The specifics are quite different, of course, but there are many similarities. For starters, there’s that rattling feeling of …

When A Mom Sees Snoop Dogg…

It’s taken me a few days to fully process the Snoop Dogg concert. Let me just tell you that some things have changed (internal and external) since I became a mother and last went to a music festival of this nature. I feel like I could write a thesis about …

Are You Ready to Have Kids?

Making the decision to become a parent is not one to be taken lightly, unless of course you accidentally wind up pregnant. In that case, it’s super easy – you’ve got this! Also, STOP READING HERE. If you find yourself waffling about whether or not to become a parent, the …

Parenting Today Feels Harder. It Is.

“Is it supposed to feel this hard?” I still find myself asking the sky after eleven years of parenting. It sure as hell didn’t look this hard for my mom who regularly played tennis with other neighborhood moms, smoked cigarettes and put zero thought into the toxicity of what she …