An Open Letter to Chuck E. Cheese

Dear Charles E. Cheese, As a concerned parent whose immune system has been working overtime since my oldest child’s chubby little hand first touched a shopping cart handle, I wanted to kindly reach out and ask a simple, reasonable question: why is it legal for your establishment to exist? I’m absolutely sure I watched a colony of …

Ah Yes, The Fifth Grade Puberty Talk at School

Last night, concerned parents were invited to gather and watch the video about puberty that our fifth graders will be shown in school soon. I went, but not as a concerned parent, rather as a disturbed human being (aka a writer) who loves a good laugh. And what better way …

A Dark Walk Through the Pottery Barn Kids Holiday Catalog

Merry Christmas! CHRISTMAS. Hanukkah and its drab blue complexion can suck a yule log, and Kwanzaa can strangle itself with a tartan plaid snowman’s scarf. Oh mercy me! I wasn’t supposed to let that kitty out of the plush cashmere jacquard Santa bag up front. But, now that I’ve weeded …

Why Baby Sleep Books Can Suck It

This is going to be a train wreck because I haven’t slept in months. So my mind is about as sharp as a Boppy pillow and organizing a cohesive thought is not my strong suit these days. But I need to speak from these depths of exhaustion and bleariness, to …

Jo-Ann Fabrics: A Forsaken Place

There are select errands in life that you know are going to be hell on Earth even before you step foot out the door. You know there’s going to be an excessively long line. You know they are going to only have one person working despite the excessive unmanned counters …